I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
