So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
