So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
