He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
