I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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