Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
