We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
