do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
