hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
