I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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