Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
