so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
