Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
