im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
