those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you traded sex for a burrito?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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