Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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