I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
