Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh god the rape fog is back!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize