There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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