how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
