I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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