hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
