party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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