RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
