probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
