I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize