She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
