Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize