so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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