How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
