i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
