i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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