dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
