k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
