There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
