Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize