This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
