it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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