All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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