Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
