there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
