this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
