did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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