Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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