I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize