Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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