Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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