How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
