you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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