I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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