Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize