I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize