you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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