Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
