How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
