Who wears a wallet chain?!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
