i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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