He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
