one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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