I hate all girls vehemently.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
