I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
