i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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