Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
