if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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