allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
