After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
