wanna go halves on a baby?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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