jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
