So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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