glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
