is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
