dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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