Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
