that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
