I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
