never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
