Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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