My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This is the high leading the old right now
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
