She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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