Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
