For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
