So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
