My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
