If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
