For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
