Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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