I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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