I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
