We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize