he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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