Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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