I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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