yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
