I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
