3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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