sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
