Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
high people should be assigned attendants
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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