Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
