Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
