You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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