moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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