very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
