I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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