1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
