He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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