he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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