they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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