To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
