That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
