WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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