Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
